


Uzukage RULES

by The Jingo (The_King_in_White)



Series: Now THIS is a Shitpost [1]
Category: Naruto
Genre: F/F, F/M, Genderbending, Harems, M/M, Multi, Parody
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-19
Updated: 2018-07-29
Packaged: 2019-05-09 01:28:40
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 24
Words: 9,138
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14706534
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_King_in_White/pseuds/The%20Jingo
Summary: Naruto becomes the strongest ninja of all time and rebuilds the Uzumaki clan and becomes Uzukage. This is how.





	1. Chapter 1

Naruto decided to train because he was gonna be hokage one day because everyone in the village hated him because he was the kyuubi container so he was gonna be hokage and prove them wrong. while he was training he stayed all night and fell asleep butt he woke up and saw itachi uchiha running away from the village.

Naruto thought it was weird so he followed him and saw itachi crying. 'why are you cry' naruto asked, and itachi said that he had to kill everyone because of peace. 'that's rough' naruto said and gave itachi a hug.

Itachi thought it was great and stopped being sad. 'Do you want to come with me'Ruto' asked Itachi, 'i'll train you and make you the best ninja ever'.

Naruto was really happy that someone finally wanted to be his friend. 'sure tachi let's go' he said, and they left. Before they went though Itachi knew that Danzo would be trying to kill him so he took Naruto to the hospital and gave him Shisui's eye and then they left the village.


	2. Chapter 2

Naruto and Itachi ran away from konoha

'Tachi where are we going' said naruto

'we're going to join akatsuki' Itachi told him struggling to keep up with the blond future uzukage. 'we'll be safe tehre and i can train you.'

'okay tachi'.

Ruto and Itachi kept running until they found Konan.

'Konan help konoha is following us' said Naruto.

Konan nodded, happy to help the cute blond boy. She used her paper to create a big dragon and they all got on it and flew to whirlpool country where they had a secret base. 'This is our secret base' Konan told them when they landed.

When Naruto landed on the ground he felt a big energy. "WHAT WAS GOING ON" Naruto yelled, watching as a ghost came up out of the ground.

'i see you are an uzumaki' the ghost said.

'yeah BELIEVE IT'

'ok well this is your mom's country so as long as you're here you can have unlimited chakra because of the land's energy.'

'Naruto you are truly special' Konan said with her eyes sparkling.

'Hehe ya i'm awesome' Naruto grinned. 'But wait what did you say about my mom? you know who my mom is'

'Everyone knows who your mom is.' Itachi said. 'But the Hokage said we weren't allowed to tell you. He also sent mobs to beat you up every day so that you would know your place and he could control you."

'That BASERD!' NAruto screamed. 'I'm going to get revenge1!"


	3. Chapter 3

'Happy birthday Ruto!" yelled Everyone

Naruto was really happy because he never had a birthday before because he had no family and no friends when he was in konoha. his birthday present was always getting beaten up ten times on his birthday instead of five times a day like normal because the village all called him kyuubi brat. one time he asked the hokage to hide him but that BESTERD said no and naruo had to hide in the dumpsters to keep away from the drunk billages who liked to beat him up

Naruto was ten years old now and he had been training with akatsuki for a year. The whirlpool country ghost gave him a rinnegan in his other eye just like Pein so the villagers all knew he was going to rebuild the country.

'okay thanks for the presents' NAruto said before going to his room to sleep.

* * *

Naruto woke up and Konan was sucking his cock 'why you rape me konan' Naruto asked Konan replied 'kami sama im nonvegetarian' Naruto say 'okay' and they continue because he deserves for broken heart and broken bones and broken body.

'naruto pulled down his pants and then he thrusted forward Konan screamed as his thity inch weiner penetrated her butthole she felt so full 'oh god' she cried your so big 'fuck my pussy please fuck it harder make me yours' 'of course whore' naruto said he pounded her for the better part of thirteen secs and then he came inside of her and filled her with baby batter she looked so good she screamed then passed out naruto pulled out 'lol' he said 'that was good'

* * *

(AN): pls review and let me no which girls u want in Naruto's harem this chapter had some help from BigE2955 (great lemon thx bro)


	4. Chapter 4

AN - this chapter was helped by Dastan Go who wrote the lemon

* * *

One day the Akatsuki hide out cave exploded.

'I am HISS here to HISSS kill you HISSS" oROchimaru hissed. KUKUKU

'NoDICK!' Naruto shouted, forming a hundred thousand shadow clones. 'I'm going to kick your ass and become the uzukage, believe it!'

Orochimaru saw all the clones and got scared. 'on no he's too strong for me' he panicked and cast edo tensei.

Kushina came out of the dirty. "Hello Naruto why am I here"

"mom is that you"

"ya baby"

Naruto got really mad and looked at orochimaru, killing him with his eye powers. "Serves you right BASTRD!" he screamed before using his rinnegan to make his mom alive again.

'mom i missed you' Naruto cried and ran up and hugged her tight. 'don't ever leave me again'

'it's okay baby i won't'.

Three days later Naruto was in the shower but he had no towel.

'MOM CAN U GET ME A TOWEL'

Kushina brought Naruto a towel and saw him naked and blushed a whole lot.

_He stood before her, feet planted apart, mighty ten-inch cock rising from the crotch. Though, he was small in stature, Kurama's chakra had made sure that he was born well-endowed—Kushina had felt a boner once in her womb. She slid down to her knees before him, eyes sparkling with tears of joy. "This cock would fill me good," she whispered, seeing the little whiskers dance on Naruto's cheeks with elation … the horse-cock bearing fox-kid. The slut resisted the siren-call of her horny body and took him into her warm mouth. All of him. But, Kami, it was impossible. His massive balls mashed up against her chin; and he began to thrust into her mouth again and again that he pressed up against her throat, and she began to gag around him. Then, unintentionally, her jaws clamped shut, and she chomped down on his cock. Naruto took to screaming, blood flying everything. He fell back, but bless Kurama's cock-chakra, another one grew in its place, and it was mightier and fatter than before. Ready to take her glory hole, fill it with his cum, and mark it as his own._

I am ashamed ...


	5. Chapter 5

'Alright Nardo it's time to go to Konaha and take the chuunin exam' Itachi said smiling at his student. Narto was twelve years old now and had the Rinnegan the MAngekyou Sharingan the Mokuton the ICe RElease (like Haku) and the Crystal Releazse (like that one girl from the filler you know the one). Itachi didn't say it a lot but he was really proud of his student and knew that Boruto would one day be the strongest shinobi the world ever seen.

'Ahh Tachi are you serious' Naruo complained he didn't really want to go back to that shitty village full of the BASTADS that liked to beat him up when he was a kid. It's not that Aruto was scared or anything he just didn't want to go back there especially when he knew that his wives wouldn't be allowed to go with him. Konan and Kushina (don't like DON'T READ) would really miss him and Kushina was pregnant and Narut didn't want to miss his daughter being born.

'Yes you have to go otherwise you cant be chuunin and if you cant be chuunin you cant be jounin and if you cant be jounin you cant become uzukage' Itachi explained blinkig a lot and looking really smart and stuff.

Nauto knew that he should listen because Tachi knew a lot so he just nodded and agreed to go. 'o didn't you have that one brother back in the village' he asked

'what are you talking aout' Itachi asked looking confused 'i was my parents' only daughter'

'ITACHI WAS GIRL' Ruto shouted in shock.

'ITACHI WAS GIRL' Itachi shouted in shock.

'Oh my god' Nauo screamed. 'If i knew that i would have made you my first wife.'

'its ok i didn't mind to wait' itachi smiled and took off her clothes 'let's get married right now'

'ok' Nar decided and took off his clothes. 'but first dude you gotta lick my taint'

"WOOOOOO' Itachi screamed and went to work.


	6. Chapter 6

Naruto walked along the road to Konoha, sweating the whole time. It was hot, like the air underneath a woman's skirt.

"im going to show everyone that they cant underestimate me, BELIEVE IT!"

Eventually he came up to the gates.

"Hey what are you doin over there" one of the guards said looking at the stranger. It was twelve year old ninja with long blonde hair, tank skin, and purple eyes like rubies. He was dressed in a fishnet shirt, black pants, combat boots, and the akatsuki coat with the red cloud on the back. He also had thick black whsikers on his face like a fox only not because it was skin and not hair.

"Oh shit its the kyuubi brat" one of the guards screamed running up to naruto and trying to punch Naruto.

Naruto unsheathed his katana and whirled it like a helicopter before cutting the guard into 669 pieces. "serves you right BASARD" Naruto yelled, pulling his penis out and peeing on the dead body. If the stupid guard hadnt tried to attack him then he wouldn't be dead. NARUTO WASN'T GOING TO TAKE SHIT FROM ANYONE

Glaring angrily at the other guard Naruto punched him in the face and then walked through the gate. he was going to go see the hokagre and give that old man a piece of his mind. His cloak flapped in the breeze as he walked down the street and all the people started whispering that it was the KYUUBI BRAT come home and they all ran away crying LIKE THE LITTLE BITCHES THEY ARE.

Only one person didnt run away. it was hinata hyuuga who naruto remembered was the only one that was ever nice to him when he still lived in konoha. She was a twelve year old girl that was 5 feet five inches tall with HHH cup breasts and long black hair with purple streaks in it. Naruto looked at her and fell in love (NARUHINA IS PERFECT WHY DO YOU NEeD OTHER PAIRINGS?! BASERDS).

Hinata ran up and kissed Naruto putting her tongue in his mouth before blushing and fainting and then running away.

"COME BACK HERE YOU FUCKING MURDERER!" the other guard from the gate shouted but naruto just ignored him he was hungry so he went in to the deli.

"Time for lunch."

Will Naruto get a ham sandwich or a turkey sandwich? FIND OUT NEXT TIME


	7. Chapter 7

Sarutobi sat behind his desk reading porn and masturbating. Then the window exploded and Naruto came into the office. "Oh my god!" Sarutobi screamed jumping up and putting his wrinkly dick back into his pants. "He's eating peanut butter and jelly!"

And he was. Naruto had two PB&Js in each hand, taking bites as he switched between one sandwich and the other. "I'm back, BSTARD!" he yelled and kicked the Hokage in the face.

'He's too powerful!' Hiruzen thought in fear, peeing himself and farting. "What can I do for you my boy?"

"LIVE IT BRIGHT!" Gai screamed as he jumped into the office and kicked NAruto in the face. His spandex suit wiggled and wobbled every time he moved and it just couldn't contain his monstrous throbbing cock which flopped out and dragged on the floor.

"Fuck thats big" Naruto said staring in jealousy "I want one of those" Then he went inside the seal in his head and said "Hey kyubbi give me the biggest cock in the world"

"Oh my fucking god, you're retarded." Kurama said but waved his tails and did it anyway.

In the real world Naruto's thirty inches dick grew superfast until it became 100 inches and he then made it hard and duelled Gai with it. "No one can have a bigger dick than me and I'm GOING TO BECOME THE UZUKAGE BELIVE IT YOU MOTHERFUKERS"

The two ninja both cam at the same time and filled the office with 300 gallons of cum before collapsing. "Your really good kiddo" Gay said with a grin "do you want to be my apprentice and learn the way of huge prick from me"

"AWESOME" Naruto shouted

"If I give you wheelbarrows and put you in the chuunin exam will you get out of here" Sarutobi said.

"Okay." they both said and took the wheelbarrows and put their dicks in them and wheeled out of the office.

Sarutobi waited three minutes before sitting back in his chair and masturbating again.


	8. Chapter 8

Naruto was walking up to the hyuuga house because he remembered that he was in love with hinata and he knew this because he kissed her and touched her and she was so beutiful with eyes like the moon and hair like ink and nice hips and big boobs and she was nice and she loved him and she never said bad things to him and she had terrible family and he was gonna save her his ninja way.

'hey dude stop you cant go in there' ahyuuga guard said spreading his arms and blocking naruto from getting inside the house to see the hyuuga princess

'get out of my way BASARD' Naruto punched the guazrd in the face and killed him out in one hit and then walked in side the house

Hinata ran up to Naruto and smiled pretty and then kissed him.

'oh hina i love you' naruto said when they stopped kissing and she smiled again and kissed him some more. Naruto got really aroused and started touched her breasts and playing with her nipples.

'What the fuck are you doing in my house?!" Hinata's dad shouted when he came out of a room and saw Naruto touching his daughter. "You little kyuubi brat" and then he ran up and tried to punch naruto but naruto dodged and hit back and broke all his bones.

'dont worry baby he wont hurt you again' naruto told hinata and kissed her cheek before picking up hinatas dad and squshing him like a tomato into big red chunks and smearing him on the walls. normally he didnt like to kill people but hinatas dad just kind of asks for it you know lol. like seriously what a shitty dad. 'lol bitch' naruto chuckled before looking at hinata again

then they took off all their clothes and naruto put his thingy into hinata's thing and they had sex 'ahh ahha ahhhahhANANANANN' naruto moaned before jizzing inside hinata and making her pregnant 'lets get married' her decided and then they left the house.


	9. Chapter 9

NAruto ran down the street with his arms thrown back and the wind rushing in his hair blowing his long golden strands all over the place like he was a living breathing sun god with the fists of justice

"Shit im gonna be LATE"

he woke up that morning with hinata sucking his dick like a good wife but remembered that he needed to go to meet his team for the chuunin exam so he had to run really quick so he just had a quickie with hinata and then shower and brushed his armpits and left

real quick he jumped across the village and landed in some trees and then jumped down and jumped over to three people standing around wiaitng for him. "hey are you my team"

"are you Naruto Namikaze-Uzumaki"

"yes"

"okay then" Kakakshi said pointing at the two kids he had with him. "this guy is sasuke and that girl is the banshee"

"Tch. Moron" Sasuke said before stripping off his clothes and brutally raping a six year old child and then running up and trying to punch naruto "FIGHT ME"

Naruto jumped back in slow motion before jumping forward and jumping on Sasuke and breaking his back and then laughing and giving Sasuke a thumbs up "good try but you'll never beat me unless you want to be my riVAL!"

The banshe screeched "HOW DARE YOU HURT SASUKEKUN" and then ran up and punched Naruto

Naruto glared at the banshe and turned his eyes red with his RinneByakuganShariganKekugan and then grabbed her pink hair and tore it off and lit her on fire. THAT'LL TEACH HER

all the time this was happening Kakashi was reading his porno book and giggling like a child and masturbing furiousity until his penor bled. it was disgusting but Naruto wasn't one to judge because he knew that everyone has their own preferences and only a shitlord judges other people so instead he ignored kakashi's behaviour and asked the most important question

"Do you like Arby's?"

"No."

"BASRDDS!"


	10. Chapter 10

Three days pass and it was time for the chuunin exams

"HURRY UP YOU STUPID BANSHEE?" Ronald McDonald yelled at Grimace glaring hatefully at her. He was being mean but it was okay because the pink haired banshee was a stupid slut that kept hitting him all through the anime and treating him like shit so she deserved it. "stop being so fucking slow bitchcunt"

THEY went into the building where Uncle O'Grimacey was going to make them write the test for the first part of the chuunin exams. there was genjutsu on the floor and Ronald laughed when he saw all the kids who were two stupid to know how to get past it, maybe if they trained hard like him they could do it but all these kids were just stupid little BASTRDS

"hey it's genjtsu" a kid with a bowl cut and green spandax yelled.

"oh shit" said the guards and then the genjtsu was done and the green kid looked at team 7

"hey wahts ur name I'm Officer Big Mac"

"I'm The Hamburgler" the duckbutt said arrogantly

"no not you the strong one"

"I'm RONALD MCDONALD and I'm gonna be the next Mayor McCheese, BELIEVE IT" he grinned shaking hands wih officer big mac. "you're alright"

suddenly the clock rang and it was time for the exams

"YOU'RE LATE MOTHERFUKERS"


	11. Chapter 11

"alright motherfuckers i want you to write on these papers and answer the questions everyone you get right will give you two points and everyone your team needs to get at least five points if your team is going to pass you also lose a point if we catch you cheating and there are ten questions but only nine on the paper and the last one i'll give you verbally before the hour is over so you better not pussy out motherfuckers" Ibiki gave everyone the stink eye

"oh shit a test" Sasuke said breathing thorugh his mouth "i cant do tests I'm a babydicked retard"

"Dont worry Saucegay I got u i'll just fill out all the answers and switch papers with you" said Shrekk. Shrekk was a 30 year old large green ogre with a round face and two bugstalks for ears. He stood 193cm tall and wore a dirty white shirt with a crocodile skin vest and a brown belt bornw boots brown pants (ORIGINAL CHARACTER DO NOT STEAL).

"Thanks Shrekk your a cool guy" Sasuke said wiping the drool away from his anus

"Alright test is start motherFUKCERS" screamed Ibiki

Naruto turned over his paper and looked at it and counted the questions

_1, Who was the best shionbi ever to live_

'Uzumaki Naruto DATTEBAYOU BELIEVE IT' Naruto wrote

_2\. What is best colour_

'Orbage dDATTEVAYOU""

_3\. what is best food_

'RAMEBNB Dattebasa" Boruto wrote

_4\. Who is best girl_

'Asuka you motherbreather'

_5\. Who is hokage_

'Some old guy'

_6\. 1+1=?_

'2'

_7\. how many bitches riding your dick son_

''Only three right now fam'

_8\. Reply to this question or your mother will die in her sleep tonight.  
_

'BASERD!'

_9\. In 2008, the debt of Canadian households rose much faster than their wealth as stock markets corrected and the housing market slowed down. During the first quarter of the year, overall household debt rose by about 3 percent, while personal disposable income rose by 2 percent. Explain why the growth of household wealth slowed in Canada._

'Because the growth in the value of their various assets slowed or else actually reduced.'

"Hey what are you doin over there!" Ibiki yelled and jumped at the fox brat looking at his paper and was shocked that NAruto answered them all right. 'He must have cheated' Ibiki thoguth and ran up and tried to punch Naruto in the face only Naruto dodged out of the way and threw ibiki on the ground and stomped his tiny little testicles into paste and turned him into a girl

**TRAPS ARE NOT GAY**


	12. Chapter 12

suddenly window exploded and glass was everywhere. it was anko!

"hey brats it's time for the second part of the chuunin exams' Anko grinned sadistically and threw her kunai at Naruto and cut his cheek and then flashed behind him to lick the blood of his cheek. 'dont get cocky'

"it's not cocky if its true and I'm gonna be Uzukage BELIEVE IT' Naruto smirked and turned around and grabbed Anko by the pussy 'yeah you like that bitch'

Anko stared at naruto and felt her pussy lips get wet and she took off her clothes and spread her legs "give me babies!"

everyone watched as Naruto dropped his pants and reviewed his penis

The thick column of masculine flesh between Naruto's legs could only be described as godlike. Spanning a full 30 inches, its silky surface was covered in veins that visibly throbbed as his blood pumped through them. It curved slightly upward, prepared to seek out and destroy the g-spot of a thousand women like a targeted ICBM. The mushroom head seethed an angry purple, shining with slick precum that exuded a truly seductive scent.

Naruto wrapped his fingers around the shaft of his cock, slapping the meaty glans against the surface of his other palm as he surveyed his soon-to-be conquest. There was a red twinkle of lust in his azure eyes, glittering with such commanding intent that in that moment the future Uzukage was halfway to godliness.

sticking his benis inside anko's dripping bussy naruto began to grunt and squeal "ah aha ah ah aha ANANNA" sweat sgibe on his body like grease floating in the bathtub catching the light until he reflected gold

TAKE IT BITCH

'unah yes fuck me master' Anko moaned "my hips are moving on their own make me pregant" and naruto came in sticky spurts filling her up until her belly swelled with cum and her womb was bursting "ohh i feel you fertilization me i'm i'm PREGGERS"

* * *

_The Pagan theologians gather on the summit._

_"What if we replaced all the crosses with ding-dongs?"_

_"That is genius"_

_And they were so filled with the spirit of paganism that butterflies flew out of their asses and into the auttumn sunlight_

_\- Mohamed Ghandi, 2016_


	13. Chapter 13

Naruto ran a thumb over the rounded surface of his team's Heaven Scroll as he peered into the gloom.

Three hours ago they'd been ushered into the Forest of Death with all the fanfare of a festival procession. The genin might have only been moving into the second part of the Chuunin Exam, but the organizers made no secret that the entire thing was little more than blood sport. People from all over the Elemental Nations would be traveling to Konoha in the coming months to watch young shinobi kill each other before the crowd, and weeding out the weak during the Second Task would make sure the contenders were worth watching.

Naruto would be lying if he claimed there wasn't a fission of excitement racing through him below his cynical disgust with the whole system. Soon enough he'd be in front of the whole world; taking the first real step towards becoming the Uzukage.

"Alright." the blond decided, slipping the scroll into his front pocket and turning to consider his squadmates. Sasuke stared back evenly, while Sakura continued to gaze gormlessly into the tree line. "I figure the best thing to do would just be to send out a legion of clones. They'll be able to take out most of the other teams and bring back their scrolls. Unless through some absurd stroke of bad luck all those scrolls are Heaven Scrolls, we can be done with this place in a couple of hours. Fair enough?"

His question wasn't really a query so much as a rhetorical demand. Sasuke might have earned a fraction of his respect, and Sakura was... well, _Sakura_ \- But Naruto was keenly aware of his own worth. The other two genin put together wouldn't come anywhere near his power or experience, so him taking command was just rational.

Sasuke's dark eyes narrowed, and the Uchiha opened his mouth to reply. Whether he intended to submit to or deny Naruto's implicit authority would never be known, because in that half a second the forest came alive with the hissing of a thousand snakes.

"Hello again, Naruto-kun." A white-faced man rasped, slipping down from the canopy with fluid lethal grace. "It's been quite some time, hasn't it?"

The expression of shock that rippled across Naruto's face distorted his whisker birthmarks into jagged lines. "No fuckin' way. You're _dead_! I killed you myself."

Orochimaru's thin lips split into a mocking grin with the pink tip of the Hebi Sennin's elongated tongue slipping out teasingly. "Perhaps you got the best of me once, Naruto-kun, but I've conquered death and attained immortality. I will never die, no matter how many times you kill me."

Tense silence filled the air, and then an enraged shout rang out.

"BASERD!"


	14. DEMONIC CHAINSAW COLONOSCOPY 6

"Nardo, don't fight him he's too stong" Sasuke said peeing his pants

"FUCK THAT" Nardo screamed and ran up to Orochimaru and punched him and watched with satisfaction as orochi spalltered into confetti. "i am not a pussy!" he wiped the slime from his hand on Sakura and then turned to look at Sasuke. "git gud"

"Nardo look out" the banshee screeched

Suddenly, Orochimaru came up out of the dirty and stabbed Nardo in the back with his sword!

"UHHHH!" Nardo yelled, spitting blood and holding his hand over where he got stabbed. "Dammit! You're an asshole!" it was hurting a lot like someone had stabbed him. the pain made nardo jump away from the snake man and puke up 10L of blood. "im gonna get you for that BELIEVE IT!"

Orochimaru just laughed and licked his lips and twirled his sword and gave Sasuke a sexy look. KUKUKUKUKUKUKUKUKKUKUKUKUKUKUKUKUKUKUKUKUKUKUKUK" DEEP BREATH "UKUKUKUKUKUKUKUKUKUKUKUKUKUKUKUKUKUKUKUKUKUKUKUKUKUKUKUKUKUKUKUKUKUKU!"

"Oh NO he got Nardo." Sasuke panicked and tried to ran away only he couldn't because suddenly itachi came down form the trees

"Foolish little brother"

"ITACHI" Sasuke screamed and tried to kill him.

Then itachi beat Sasuke up easily and broke his arms and his legs and then used tsukiomi on Sasuke and made him watch their family be murdered again for 72 hours straight because itachi just wanted his little brother to be stronger and he knew that pain and psychological torture was the strongest motivator. "Foolish little brother you don't have enough hate hnn."

"Itachi what are you doing here." Naruto asked glaring at orochimaru when the snake man whipped out his penis and started masturbating to the thought of the uchihas.

"I sensed you were in trouble Naruto sama"

"Nah it's good it healed already" Naruto moved his hand away from his stomach and showed itachi his rippling twelve pack and glorious pecs. "See?"

HOW DID HEAL? wondered the banshee then she knew. "THERE'S A DEMON INSIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIDEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE"


	15. Death Musings of a Nihilistic Samurai

In a way, he supposed that he shouldn't have been surprised to end up laying face down in the mud with his blade slipping from nerveless fingers.

His entire life had been spent chasing the nebulous idea of immortality, lying to himself and believing that if he could just cross the next boundary that he would be safe from the shadow of the abyss. Further and further he had gone, stripping away what he'd seen as human weakness until nothing was left but the steel in his hand. Like a smith working a katana through the flames, he'd beaten his very heart into something sharp-edged and merciless.

But the snake couldn't swallow the sun. He could write his name into the history books a thousand times over with blood and iron, but in the end he was still just a man. A man that would, like all over men; die and be forgotten by the march of time. It was all so very purposeless - but then, he supposed he'd always known that hadn't he? His struggles had only ever gained him momentary joys and the fleeting assuaging of the gaping emptiness in his mind.

There had never been any purpose to any of it, and as a would-be god the thought was galling, but for a man... well, it wasn't so bad.

The last thing he heard as he passed into the void was the snap of his spine as a booted foot stomped on the back of his neck.

The second to last thing Orochimaru heard was a victorious howl. 'BASERD!'


	16. THE PROLAPSE CONTINUES

Nardo wiped the brains from his boot knowing he killed orochimaru for good this time 'alright thats over lets get out of here'

'yes nardosama' said itachi then ze kicked sasukes broken legs one more time and ran off into the forest 'ill allways be just a shout away my love'

Sakura picked up sasuke and then waited for nardo to htell her what to do

'follow me bitch'

then they ran really fast through the forest and made it to the tower in the middle and then pulled out their scrolls and opened them and then iruka popped out and said 'oh ther was wondering where you were hurry up the third round is going to start' so they went up stairs and everyone was looking at the hokagre

'hey nardo!' a voice shouted and nardo looked up and smiled

IT WAS SHREKK

the smell of onions filled the air as shrekk walked over to see them 'oh it looks like you had a rough time' the ogre commented looking at sasuke and poking one of his broken arms 'you sure you can keep fighitng?"

'oh course we can BELIEVE IT DATTEBAYO" Nardo promised with eyes like blue steel chips of ice as he looked at the green giant and his confidence made all the girls in the room drips from their vagina

even shrekk was affected and he had his asspussy leaking in arousal 'damn man i guess maybe you can do it'

hinata ran over with her boobs jiggling

'oh hey gurl u want sum fuk?" Nardo flirted 'i'll come gvie u you some of this foxmeat but first i gotta fight in the next round'

'ATTENTION EVERYONE FIRST ROUND IN UCHIHA SASUKE UCHIHA VS RANDOM OC'

nARDO disapponteed 'wheres my fight you BASERDS!'


	17. Chapter 17

sasuke was thrown from the balcony and hit the floor and his broken legs hurt but he ignored the pain because unlike the pain in his heart the wounds would heal

'hn ' Sasuke smirked

a big fat fatty bounced down and wiped the crumbs away from his star spangled onesie, 'i hope you're ready for this brotha' said akimichi Choujo. he is the sixth cousin of chouji three times removed and adopted and stands at 58 icnhes tall and 3 milimeters and is 16 years old with a beard and hair dyed red white blue.

'hn' Sasuke smirked

then the bell rang and the fight started and choujo ran up to sasuke and tried to punch him in the head but sasuke broked it with jelly arms and then kicked choujo in the chest and then looked down at his opponent

'hn' Sasuke smirked

'Not bad' Naruto called out feeling something like the tiniest dregs of respect for his castrated teammate

'hn ' Sasuke smirked

'kick his ass sasuke-kun!' the banshee squealed and then cried when nardo punched her teeth in

'hn ' Sasuke smirked

cHoUjO got back to his feet and wiped the trickle of blood away from his mouther and then laughed 'you're not bad kid i understmated you a bit but let's see if you can handle my secrete tecniquedh jutsu!' then he clapped his hands together and formed his fingers into the eagle seal and brought up hiis chakra and started to sweelll a=up

'hn ' Sasuke smirked

'FREEDOM BURGER' Choujo screamed and well cooked patties started to rain from his mouth and ketchup seeped from his pores and then he started through mustard and pickles and buns at sasuke but sasuke just dodged the spirit of a thousand americans and ran up and kicked choujou in the nuts and did a shishi rendan (AN yes i know he didnt fight lee yet but the move is too cool so maybe lee just saw sasuke running around the village one day and taught him okay stop complaining its just a fanfic) and then chouji was defeated

'hn ' Sasuke smirked


	18. Chapter 18

Huffing when his name finally came up naruto turned to sasuke and smirked. 'ill show your how its doen just watch and learn okay loser' then he jumped down into the arena and looked at the screen

It had 'naruto vs nduri and tandoori naan and Bao Bao' written up in big red letters. 'wait a minute that's not right the fuck am i fightin 3 people for' and he wasn't scared but naruto knew that it was strange so he looked up at the hokage

There was a greasy smile on the hokages face and naruto felt the anger bubble up inside. 'baserd!' he muttered before turning and glaring at his three opponents as they jumped down from the rafters

Licking her lips on the left tandoori slapped a hand on her big belly and laughed. 'we're gonna beat your asss little punk'

Eyeing naruto's crotch perversely before shaking his head nduri looking at his two buddies 'dont hurt him too much i gotta get my nut'

Rubbing a paw on his furry face Bao Bao glared at the other two 'why does you two always gotta get each other riled up' the bear was the kind of person that was a bigger crybaby than both put together but he didnt want to admit it

Dudes are you done talking shit' naruto asked bored out of his mind. he liked a good prefight trash talk just like the next guy but these three were just weak and their insults were stale. cracking his knuckles the blond demon container tensed and waited until the proctor cough guy told them to start

In 3.14 seconds he was across the room punchnign Bao Bao in the face and knocking the obese bear out with one hit. then he turned and ran up to nduri and tried to punch him out too

Dodging Boruto's attacks nduri slipped in behind him and slapped a hand on his butt and then slid the finger right up borutos crack making the blond scream in distress 'you might be strong boyo but that doesnt mean you can be arrogant imma get that ass'

Nodding along sycophantically tandoori formed some hand seals boar ox falcon dragon slug and fox before inhaling a deep breath and belching a cloud of stinky green gas that made Bao Bao choke and die when it passed over him 'haha u ready for this'

Opening his eyes and they were purple b/c rinnegan naruto held up one palm (like the matrix lol) and then shouted 'shinra tenin!' and used his doujotsu gravity powers to throw the two away from him and while he was at it he got rid of some of his anger by vaporizing Bao Baos body with lazer eyebeams.

Talking to kakashi sasuke was amazed 'did you know he could do that' he was really jealous because he was the last uchiha and all he ever did was bitch and whine about itachi and having no power and how naruto was getting strong and how his family died and boo hoo you little arseling i bet youd kill your whole family yourself for the power

Hoping that he could see something to steal kakashi pulled up his headband and looked at narto with obitos eye but he just saw a big shining ball of chakra and it made his eye hurt and there was a sharp pain between his ears and the copycat ninja gasped and put a hand to his head

Injured by smacking her flabby body into the wall tandoori wiped a hand under her rolls of fat and the wiped the cheese smegma through her purple hair and left brown streaks so she was psyched up by her ritual and ran at naruto but he was too mad for more games so he just annihilated her with a backhand and turned her into a big pile of gore

No! screamed nduri as the blood and guts splattered all over him and he fell to his knees crying 'you killed my friends you little bastard!' then he looked up and saw naruto standing right in front of him

Git gud, baserd' Naruto sad coldly and grabbed the top of his enemys neck and twisted and broke his head in one try. then he turned and looked up at the hokage and gave the old baserd a middle finger 'try to fuck with me again and it'll be the last thing you ever do shitbrain'

Wow nardo has a lot of power saurotbii thought and wiped the back of his wrinkled hand over his wrinkled mouth before putting it in his wrinkled pocket 'i wont do that again' he promised himself remembering the sensation of fear he felt when narudo looked at him angrily. he time was passed the boomer generation had lost its power and it was time for the kids to take over

Retruning up to the balconey naru gave sasuke a cocky smirk 'impressed?' he asked but was confused and annoyed when his rival just gave him a dirty look and stomped off 'what the fuck is his problem'

Opening the window itachi dropped in and gave naruto a big kiss 'he's just jealous of you hunny' she said 'whenever we grew up sasuke always was stupid and ugly and had a small penis and he was just an annoying kid nobody liked until i killed the clan and then people felt sorry for him and started putting up with his shit'

Not letting sasuke bitchfest get him down naruto took itachi by the hand and then led her to his bedroom and they took off all their clothes and he put his thingy in her thingy and they made love

Grabbing her belly itachi smiled and knew babby was formed 'i love you nartuo' she said and then he rolled over and looked at her 'wat u say slut?'


	19. The Orange Cuck of the Leaf

'The air was hot and humid like the air underneath a man's ballsack.' It's an expression of male freedom, and it encourages a frank discussion of the various merits of ballsacks: their colour, their texture, their odour, their functional ugliness that in itself speaks of great promordial beauty...

Nardo inhaled the musty scent, his mouth filled with drool as he leaned forward to better study the way Hiruzen's enormous cock pounded into Hinata. Vaguely, he was aware of his tiny one inch chode straining anxiously within his boxers, but his own arousal was secondary to the spectacle he was witnessing. What did physical pleasure have against the psychological ecstasy of knowing his wife had been claimed utterly by another man?

Moans echoed through the air as the Hokage battered his way right into the Hyuuga Princess' womb, the wrinkles on his face growing deeper as he clenched up and exploded into climax. Aged seed filled Hinata's pussy to the brim, spilling out to stain the blazing orange sheets. "Do you like that?" the Sarutobi patriarch demanded, rolling over his protege's wife to enter her from behind for the second round.

"Yes." Nardo whimpered as his wife only moaned incoherently, answering for both of them. This was what he had always wanted - the knowledge that a hundred generations would end with him. The Uzumaki line would die, not with a bang, but with a wailing orgasm as its last scion was unmanned and his wife bred by another man. A better man.

Lightning flashed behind his eyes as Nardo climaxed harder than he ever had in his life, his tiny cock weeping a single watery tear. "Thank you, _thank you_." He whispered, not sure who he was addressing. The bull that was claiming his woman? His wife, for acknowledging his worthlessness as a sexual being? The very gods themselves, for granting him the opportunity to be so debased?

Yes, yes.

 _More_.

* * *

Then Nardo woke up

"wat the fuck was that?"


	20. Chapter 20

Narruto came into his room to find Itachii sprawled on the floor,, watchning the fan spin above her/him. She/he was confused at seeing Naruto looking at her/him like she/he was too different.

'why you looke that way, Ruto?'

'Maybe we move too fast, Tachi' he said dejectedly with a flair of remorse. 'not enough progression'

'progression' she/he ask. 'why does that matter?'

'it matters a lot, Tachi. Without progression how can we know we really love. Love is strong Tachi. It's like a bird that needs to poop, but poop slow and long. If it's a quick poop, then it won't be satisfying.'

Itachi cried in her/his hands. 'but I do love you Ruto. I love you so muchii!'

'I know' Narito said as he flexed his fists. 'but those beastrd wont like it' he gazed at the fan, so quick and so foreign. 'it wont be realistitcticic.'

Itachi ran into his arms. She/he couldn't take it anymore. 'no. I will love you. I'm here for you now. I don't care what anyone else says because our love is real and pure!'

They then had hot sex and ate some pickles afterwards.

Having my baby  
What a lovely way of saying  
How much you love me.  
Having my baby  
What a lovely way of saying  
What you're thinking of me.  
I can see it your face is glowing

I can see it in your eyes.  
I'm happy knowin' that you're having my baby.  
You're the woman I love and I love what it's doin' to you.  
Having my baby  
You're a woman in love and I love  
What's goin' through you.  
The need inside you  
I see it showin'  
Oh  
The seed inside you  
Baby  
Do you feel it growin'  
Are you happy in knowin' that you're having my baby?

I'm a woman in love and I love  
What it's doin' to me.  
Having my baby.  
I'm a woman in love and I love  
What's goin' through me.

Didn't have to keep it  
Wouldn't put you through it.  
You could have swept it from your life  
But you wouldn't do it  
No  
You wouldn't do it.  
And you're having my baby.


	21. Chapter 21

BACK TO THE CHUUNIN EXAMMS

LOOING UP AT THE CROWD naruto TOOK HIS WIN AND LAUGHED. HE DID TI! HE WAS GOING TO THE THIRD PART OF THE EXAM. AND THEN SUDDDELY THE CIVILHN counCIL SHOWED UP

Oh it was sakura's mom "nardklo uzumaki uchiha sanin orochimaru kaguya mei sabaku no soso sarutobi hatake! you are now banished from the village for doing too good in the chuunin exams and making my duaghter look bad" then 1200 villagers ran into the stadium and started throwing tomatos at naruto

Orangish pink purple bled into narduo eyes and he summoned the uzumaki ghosts "fuk u" he screamed and then killed all the villagers and then ran away crying "i don't need ur stupid village anyway"

Dont give up naru" jiraiya said as he was arrested for child pornography and tickling sasuke's butt. "goodbye my boy" and then he died

Licking his teeth naruto ran into the forest and ran across fire country and ran into whirlpool country and then went to the akatsuki secret hide out and then screamed "get the fuck in here"

Itachi walked into the room and smiled "hello" she said jiggling butss and jiggling breasts with tight pink nipples and salami bellybuttons. "i missed u" naruto didnt want to have sex right now he was too angry so he just said "later slut"

Nagato walked into the room and smiled "hello" she said jiggling butss and jiggling breasts with tight pink nipples and salami bellybuttons. "i missed u" naruto didnt want to have sex right now he was too angry so he just said "later slut"

Eventually the whole akatsuki was there waiting for naruto to give them orders

Dunking his hands naruto looked at them all and growled with his whiskers turning thick and his hair turning red and fox ears and fox tail growing. "this was the last straw i'm never going to forgive that stupid village from now on call me uzukagesama and we have one mission to destroy konanha"

Even though they had been waiting for the day since they maet naruto all the akatsuki was surprised. "are you sure about htis un, un ,un, un, UNUNUNUNUNUNUNUNUN?" deidara unned and fingered his clay

Shaking his head Naruto just told them all to leave except hinata who came with him from konoha. he wanted to blow off some steam with his seventh wife so he took off his clothes and she took off her clothes and they inserted his thing into her thing and they had sex "uh uh uh thanks hinata"

Then naruto walked outside and found kakashi standing there and he got mad "what are you doing here you traitor" he screamed "it's all your fault for training sasuke and not training me"

Red fire burst from narutos shoes and burned kakashi and when the flames went away the copy ninja was lying dead and covered with second and third degree burns and then naruto walked up and crushed kakashi's sharingan so that no one could use the eye "that'll teach you BASERD"

Once he worked out his anger naruto went inside and layed on konan's chest and went to sleep

YEAH YEAH YOU ALL WANT THOSE BEATS

EVEN WHEN BITCHES AINT NOTHING BUT HOES AND TRICKS

READ BLOODLINE DESTROYER


	22. Chapter 22

naruto woke up the next day and realized it was time to destry konoha so he got together akatsuki and looked at them and say "ok guys dont fuck it up" and they said they wouldnt so naro told them to go get ready but then he told konan to stay and she did

"you cant come"

"what why i want to come" konan wined then she batted her eyelashes at nartosamaa and hoped that she could convince him to let her come but he still said no and then she got made and stomped her foot "WELL WHY NOT"

"because your pregnant" naruto said

"what no im not"

yeah you are Naruto then took off his clothes and took off her clothes and put her on the floor and inserted his thing into her thing and went UN UN and the slap of balls and wet pussy and konan came 36 times and then naruto busted his nut and jizzed and made her pregnant "there your pregnant bithc" he said and made her clean slimejizz off his dick with her mouth "life begins at the moment of conception and if you tried to fight youd be aborting our baby" amd then he left the cave and ran all the way to konoha

WHEN he saw the village naruto got really mad and then had a good idea about it he knew just what to do to get his revenge on those baserds so he revived alll the hokage and the uchiha clan and all the other cool guys that died in the fillers and then used his mangekyousharinnganbyakugogan to bring them all back to life with pein's revival jutsu but he didn't die because the whirlpool ghost came and helped him out

"CAPTURE THEM ALL AND BRING EVERYOE TO ME ALIVE" he shouted and then his army ran into the village except for Mikoto and Fugaku and Minato

"you ruined me life!" naruto ran up to his dad and punched him and turned him into a cripple who couldn't walk and then decided to get revenge on sasuke so he burned fugaku alive with icyhot lidocaine and then he took off his clothes and raped mikoto but she started to like it and came on his dick "OH NARUTO SAMA" and then she orgasmsed so hard she got pregantn right there and passed out

leaving mikoto alone for a little bit Naruto called over kushina and then they had sex on top of minato to show that bastard and make him bump his face against kushina's nine month baby bump but the bump was too much and Kushina gave birth right there and they named the baby girl Nelliel Tu Odelschwanck and she had green hair and naruto knew she'd grow up sexy and he'd have another girl to love him

minato was broken so many he deserved XENOVIA now but naruto decided to have a little pity so he stepped on his skull and killed him and by this time his army had gotten all the people of konoha and tied them up and naruto just swang his dick and said "WHOSE NEXT" and all the girls screamed "ME" and then naruto fucked them all in front of the men and then kiled all the men of the village except sasuke who he tied up and made watch as naruto fucked mikoto in the ass


	23. Chapter 23

CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP

it was three days after nartu finally got revenge on konoha and he was having sex with nel and slapping her ghetto booty and fucking her from the back and watching her butt cheeks jiggle and looking at her winking brown star and poking the poop shoot with his thumbs

CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP

"oh daddy i love it when you fuck me so hard" nel said and the wet sound of narutos wet balls slapping wetly against her wet pussy filled the wet air wetly but it wasn't as wet as the wet glistening tears in sasukes eyes as he sat in the corner touching himself and wanking a wet one

CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP

then suddenly sasuke couldnt take it anymore and ran up to the bed and got down on his knees and begged "please turn me into a girl uzukage sama and baptize me with your thick stinky spunk" and naruto thought about it for a minute and then decided lol k so naruto slapped nel's ass again and then pointed his nipples at sasuke and fired eyelazer genderbender beams at sasuke

CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP

sasuke's penis crawled back up inside and turned into a twitching brand new pussy and TTT cup breasts grew and strained against her purplevioletlavender shirt and then satsuki got naked and crawled underneath naruto and began licking at his balls and moaning happily

CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP

that wasn't good enough tho so naruto stopped fucking nel and took his dick and shoved it in satsuki's throat "un un un un you LIKE THAT bitch" he screamed choking satsuki on his cock and feeling good that he finally emasculated sasuke and got back at him by turning him into a girl and destroying his agency as a character and making him a fucksleeve that would spend the rest of his life on his knees choking on naruto's dick and getting pregnant over and over LIKE A GOOD LITTLE BITCH DOES

CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP

ruby blake weiss and yang xiao long came in the room and took off their clothes and then naruto made them all pregnant too at the same time with kage bunshin gangbang

CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP

naruto came so hard it spewed everywhere his huge load flooding out on trhe bed and down on the floor and threw the hallways in a massive tide of PURE MASCULINITY that impregnated every girl it touched which was naruto's infinite harem made up off all female characters in the series past present future except sakura (he killed that bitch lol but not before sarada was born and he could cuck sasuke by turning her into a mindbroken slut too) and they all worshipped him and gave him the love and power he deserved for suffering so badly at the hands of the village mobs and naruto deserved even more bitches so he started going to other universes and taking their bitches too while he fucked satsuki

CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP

and that was the story of the greatest man to ever live, I want to remind each and every one of you. It is time to write fanfiction and offer praise to the god-like Individual of our times; the Man against Time; the greatest character of all times; both Sun and Lightning: naruto uzumaki naruto dayyebaayyo the eternal uzukage ninja jesus, as a tribute of unfailing love and loyalty, for ever and ever.

THE END


	24. TRANSFORMERS BIG BATTLES

When it's late at night, and the lights at the hokage's office fade to a dim, I wonder who tsunade thinks of. As her dusty little cunt starts to moisten, what's the first thing that comes to mind? Does she dream of her old lover in his gallant soldiery? Or does she turn thoughts to something more sinister? That young messiah clad in orange, a hard fox from the street.

Some street thug named Naruto, with a 112 inch swollen cock ridden with genital warts. As she lies back and gasps, thinking of him and his clones ripping her Kage dress to shreds, and filling her every hole with their hard fox cocks. Spilling their creamy seed into her now barren womb, stretching her ass until it flops out of her hole like a rubber hose and covering her face in a mask of pungent Ozzie-cum. The most recognizable woman on the planet, being degraded by common street scum. Just thinking about it probably makes her cum like a mule kicking her in the cunt, and scream like a banshee.


End file.
